Jumping the Gun (JTG) is an infectious disease caused by a parasite, Egocentria, which infects red blood cells, white blood cells, and especially the brain cells. JTG is characterized by cycles of chills, fever, incohesive ramblings and inability to recognize one's position in a team, and the desire to hemorrhage at random one's thoughts to the Press / Media without due consideration to its effects and implications.
Historical records suggest JTG has infected humans since the beginning of mankind. It is worthwile however, to note, JTG is especially prevailant in Politicians.
Currently, there is a massive outbreak of JTG in the Malaysian political scene, especially with Pakatan Rakyat (People's Alliance Party) leaders and some prominent bloggers. Latest victims include Karpal Singh and Raja Petra Kamarudin (editor of Malaysia Today). Another JTG victim was prominent PAS leader Husam Musa with his infamous Hudud ramblings on live TV a few months back.
The name "Egocentria" (meaning "Selfish Bugger" in English + Latin ) was first used in English in 2009 by Dr. BNMustgo when describing the disease.
Some of the other known common names of JTG around the world (or similar deseases):
- Verbal Diarrhea
- Foot in Mouth Disease
- Talking Through Anus Habit
- Blowing Trumpet Disease
- Tai-Chi Blame Stance Disease
- I-CAN-DO-NO-WRONG Disease
How is JTG transmitted and the variants?
The life cycle of the Egocentria parasite is complicated and the disease is transmitted to humans when usually somebody who is promiment in a society wishes to distant himself/herself from the collective failings of his/her team, and is unwilling to take the collective responsibility. The medium of transmission is still unknown at this stage, but it is wildly believed to be bad upbringing.
Recent mutations to the parasite have dawned new variants, called Egocentria Maximus 8.2.2009 and 9.2.2009 . The basic symptoms are still the same, but both Maximus variants features new deadly symptoms, such as the need to sue Royals and asking various political leaders to quit for no apparent reason.
When is JTG a particular problem?
JTG usually causes major disarray within a team (again, usually a political party or a political alliance). It destroys years of hardwork by the majority of the team members, and since JTG is most prevailant during times of crisis, it can further deepend the problem and alienate supporters.
How is JTG treated?
Three main factors determine treatments: the infecting species of Egocentria parasite, the clinical situation of the patient (for example, adult, child, or pregnant female with either mild or severe JTG), and the drug susceptibility of the infecting parasites. Drug susceptibility is determined by the geographic area where the infection was acquired. Different areas of the world have JTG types that are resistant to certain medications. The correct drugs for each type of JTG must be prescribed by a doctor who is familiar with JTG treatment protocols. Since people infected with JTG can die (often because of delayed treatment), immediate treatment is necessary.
Typically, the drug for JTG is supportive in nature, and usually a few Prozacs should solve the situation. However, for long term treatment and to ensure no recurring Egocentria attacks, we strongly recommend the new drug ShutTheFcukUp (STFU).
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