Showing posts with label Pakatan Rakyat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pakatan Rakyat. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Why Bukits Gantang and Selambau will have the CLEANEST elections ever! (and the re-emergence of a great Malaysian commodity) (Malaysiakini ?)



Do not be surprised by the title. Hear me out for just a couple of paragraphs...

Before Perak 2009
Here's the common scenario in any election in Malaysia, be it general, state or by-elections. - BN announces candidates, opposition announces candidates and you may have the occasional independent or 'back up' also-rans. - In the run up to the elections, usually within 7 days but the current trend suggest 10 or so, said constituency will see millions upon millions being poured in - roads, schools, temples, suraus, grants, projects, anything you else you can think of. Granted, if it's a by-election, the said area shall see 50 years of development overnight. - The usual opposition ceramahs, BN's free food and/or mini-concert events - Handouts and 'Ang pows' of all kind to all kinds of 'needy' folk - The usual accusations and counter accusations of fraud, vote buying, vote rigging, gerrymandering et al


So why do I say that Bukits Gantang and Selambau will have the CLEANEST elections ever?

Ok. If one were to use Permatang Pauh and KT or even a large chunk of the areas that fell to PR in March 08, as a yardstick, one does not need Khairy's Oxbridge credentials to come to a conclusion that all the above does not guarantee success at the ballot boxes. After all, in countless ceramahs, opposition leaders will tell you something along the lines of, "if they give you take. But still vote Rocket (Pas or PKR)!". Furthermore, handling out cash and/or freebies to the masses is always a logistical and public relations nightmare! So most of BN would by now have realised that they need another, more effective or shall we say 'sure fire' solution. And by God! Najis seems to have found one. Or three!

Which brings us to the re-emergence of commodity that is proving itself to be recession proof, worldwide financial meltdown proof! - The Malaysian Politician


Like all other commodities and equities, we can generally classify this 'product' into a few categories and sub-categories, each with different values (monetary ) and grades. Here are a few examples


A
- Elected Reps (ER)

The elected representative, is usually worth the most and in light of the current stalemate in national politics, the most sought after -Some say some would pay tens of millions to get hold of one - as in a hung parliament or legislature, having procured one from the other side may well win you the right to form the government of the day. (Read up on the current Perak fiasco)

Within the 'Elected Reps' category, we will generally find a few other sub-categories, namely Opposition Rep in legislatures with small majorities - 'ORSM' ( e.g. Negri Sembilan)


Opposition Reps in legislatures with large majorities - 'ORLM' (e.g. Johore, Sarawak, Sabah)



Government Reps in legislature where BN is in the opposition - 'GRBNO' (e.g. Penang, Kedah, Selangor, Kelantan, Perak)

You don't need a degree and quantum physics to know that GRBNOs are the costliest, as happened in the Silver State recently. They will literally cost you a 'King's Ransom' plus a Camry or two. And lastly there's the Independents - "Ind", who by and large come at fairly economical rates.

On occasions ( pre Sept 16 2008, Bota, every time Anwar threatens to have the numbers), a rarer sub - category of this item will also be put on the market and it is termed the Soon to turn Opposition BN MP or Adun or in short, STOPBNMADs.


Due to the set up of the current Parliament ( no more 2/3 majority, 30 MPs to shift the power of balance), they are "HOT" commodities. Think fortune 500, Think Bluechips! (Well at least before the financial meltdown).

These, when they appear on the shelves will be snapped up by the highest bidder within a flash. Quite often, bidders have to throw in 'agriculture themed Holidays to Taiwan' and other add-ons like ' The disappearing act' and 'high-tea @ Kamunting'.
Thus far, we have not seen the STOPBNMADs from morphing into SNAFUs (Stop Najis, F@ck Umnooo) so perhaps the trip to Taiwan worked. Or maybe, the Transfer Window for Parliament hasn't opened yet. That we leave to the players and dealers in this new and highly entertaining trade.

B - Non Elected Personalities (NEP)


These, compared to the ERs come fairly cheap, and are usually procured for added effect (Ezam*, Nalla). However, as cheaply as they maybe, certain NEPs, when procured and utilized at the right and opportune time in the hands of a shrewd political chess player can have election winning effects - i.e the case of Ramlang Porigi in Permatang Pauh last year.

So let us go back to 'Why the coming by-elections will be the 'cleanest ever'

Let me perhaps try to answer this question in the form of the following question - Why would anyone invest tens or hundreds of millions of Ringgit and move phantoms and uniformed personnel to try and win an election where the odds are so highly staked against you, when you can 'procure' the allegiance of the elected rep afterwards? Makes more economical sense to me.

*in Ezam's case, his procurement resulted in the exact opposite of what his new owners desired. A Political 'FUBAR' (F*cked Up Beyond Any Repair) - contributing to the loses in the PP and KT by-elections.

author's note: photo's of politicians and personalities above are posted for the convenience of readers to identify the type of politicians (by virtue of the state of the legislature that they are a member of i.e. small majority, large majority, hung parliament etc) that can be classified under the respective categories. There is no intention implied or otherwise to paint any of them as having put themselves on the market.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Jumping the Gun

What is Jumping the Gun?

Jumping the Gun (JTG) is an infectious disease caused by a parasite, Egocentria, which infects red blood cells, white blood cells, and especially the brain cells. JTG is characterized by cycles of chills, fever, incohesive ramblings and inability to recognize one's position in a team, and the desire to hemorrhage at random one's thoughts to the Press / Media without due consideration to its effects and implications.

Historical records suggest JTG has infected humans since the beginning of mankind. It is worthwile however, to note, JTG is especially prevailant in Politicians.

Currently, there is a massive outbreak of JTG in the Malaysian political scene, especially with Pakatan Rakyat (People's Alliance Party) leaders and some prominent bloggers. Latest victims include Karpal Singh and Raja Petra Kamarudin (editor of Malaysia Today). Another JTG victim was prominent PAS leader Husam Musa with his infamous Hudud ramblings on live TV a few months back.

The name "Egocentria" (meaning "Selfish Bugger" in English + Latin ) was first used in English in 2009 by Dr. BNMustgo when describing the disease.

Some of the other known common names of JTG around the world (or similar deseases):

  • Verbal Diarrhea
  • Foot in Mouth Disease
  • Talking Through Anus Habit
  • Blowing Trumpet Disease
  • Tai-Chi Blame Stance Disease
  • I-CAN-DO-NO-WRONG Disease

How is JTG transmitted and the variants?

The life cycle of the Egocentria parasite is complicated and the disease is transmitted to humans when usually somebody who is promiment in a society wishes to distant himself/herself from the collective failings of his/her team, and is unwilling to take the collective responsibility. The medium of transmission is still unknown at this stage, but it is wildly believed to be bad upbringing.

Recent mutations to the parasite have dawned new variants, called Egocentria Maximus 8.2.2009 and 9.2.2009 . The basic symptoms are still the same, but both Maximus variants features new deadly symptoms, such as the need to sue Royals and asking various political leaders to quit for no apparent reason.

When is JTG a particular problem?

JTG usually causes major disarray within a team (again, usually a political party or a political alliance). It destroys years of hardwork by the majority of the team members, and since JTG is most prevailant during times of crisis, it can further deepend the problem and alienate supporters.

How is JTG treated?

Three main factors determine treatments: the infecting species of Egocentria parasite, the clinical situation of the patient (for example, adult, child, or pregnant female with either mild or severe JTG), and the drug susceptibility of the infecting parasites. Drug susceptibility is determined by the geographic area where the infection was acquired. Different areas of the world have JTG types that are resistant to certain medications. The correct drugs for each type of JTG must be prescribed by a doctor who is familiar with JTG treatment protocols. Since people infected with JTG can die (often because of delayed treatment), immediate treatment is necessary.

Typically, the drug for JTG is supportive in nature, and usually a few Prozacs should solve the situation. However, for long term treatment and to ensure no recurring Egocentria attacks, we strongly recommend the new drug ShutTheFcukUp (STFU).

Friday, January 30, 2009

Shall it be six?


Four BN state assemblypersons in Negeri Sembilan are keen to defect to Pakata Rakyat, according to a Seremban-based PKR supreme council member.

In the bag - Kelantan, Selangor, Perak, , Kedah
Up next - Negri?
Still to come - Sarawak, Federal Gov?

As it stands now in the Negri DUN - BN 21, PR 15
If the four jumps it will be BN 17, PR 19!

And what are the rest of us (including you frogs) waiting for?

(who's next?)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Top ten reasons more will jump

Here's the top ten reasons that more members of Parliament and ADUNs will jump from BN to Pakatan Rakyat:

10. After Ngemah, Permatang Pauh, Kuala Terengganu and Bota, it is obvious that the BN ship is sinking, and sinking fast. Any BN YBs worth his or her salt would be smart enough to see this.


9. MIC has gone down the drain. Gerakan is extinct. MCA will follow their Gerakan brothers shortly. PPP is non existing to start with, so UMNO will not be able to survive their own internal squabbles, much less the coalition's collective failure.


8. The losing faction in the inevitable oncoming war between Pak Lah and Najib will not be all too happy about getting kicked in the butt, so some will definitely defect, citing various reasons of course.


7. UMNO have lost the support of the Malays (as shown in the KT by-election), MCA is shunned by the Chinese en mass, and Indians in Malaysia knows MIC is ripping them off at every chance. The only viable alternative for MPs wanting to retain their seats is to jump.

6. BN have a weak leadership. May it be a leader that's corrupt, weak, sleepy or murderous perhaps, they all carry baggage. The 21 century politics demands change. They demand cleanliness, efficiency and above else, fairness. In BN, those leadership qualities are practically non existent.

5. At this rate of gross national denial, we might just join the likes of Zimbabwe , Myanmar and Uncle Kim Jong Il's fiefdom.

4. As frogs go, frog are amongst the best creatures of god's creation in telling the weather or rather a change in weather..in this case, change in politcal climate. Seen any frogs jumping 'the other way' lately?

3. Apart from ZanuPF and PAP AMNOOOOO is probably the only remaining regime to rule a country since independence without any regard for justice, equality and brotherhood. That's why their such a bunch of smucks and that's why they must go, the people willing!

2. BN is The only Government where to arrest you without trial is to "protect" you!

1. Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim. YAB Lim Guan Eng. Tok Guru Nik Aziz and last but the best of all Raja Petra Kamaludin or simply PETE!