Why Bukits Gantang and Selambau will have the CLEANEST elections ever! (and the re-emergence of a great Malaysian commodity) (Malaysiakini ?)

Do not be surprised by the title. Hear me out for just a couple of paragraphs...

Before Perak 2009
Here's the common scenario in any election in Malaysia, be it general, state or by-elections. - BN announces candidates, opposition announces candidates and you may have the occasional independent or 'back up' also-rans. - In the run up to the elections, usually within 7 days but the current trend suggest 10 or so, said constituency will see millions upon millions being poured in - roads, schools, temples, suraus, grants, projects, anything you else you can think of. Granted, if it's a by-election, the said area shall see 50 years of development overnight. - The usual opposition ceramahs, BN's free food and/or mini-concert events - Handouts and 'Ang pows' of all kind to all kinds of 'needy' folk - The usual accusations and counter accusations of fraud, vote buying, vote rigging, gerrymandering et al


So why do I say that Bukits Gantang and Selambau will have the CLEANEST elections ever?
Ok. If one were to use Permatang Pauh and KT or even a large chunk of the areas that fell to PR in March 08, as a yardstick, one does not need Khairy's Oxbridge credentials to come to a conclusion that all the above does not guarantee success at the ballot boxes. After all, in countless ceramahs, opposition leaders will tell you something along the lines of, "if they give you take. But still vote Rocket (Pas or PKR)!". Furthermore, handling out cash and/or freebies to the masses is always a logistical and public relations nightmare! So most of BN would by now have realised that they need another, more effective or shall we say 'sure fire' solution. And by God! Najis seems to have found one. Or three!

Which brings us to the re-emergence of commodity that is proving itself to be recession proof, worldwide financial meltdown proof! - The Malaysian Politician


Like all other commodities and equities, we can generally classify this 'product' into a few categories and sub-categories, each with different values (monetary ) and grades. Here are a few examples

A - Elected Reps (ER)

The elected representative, is usually worth the most and in light of the current stalemate in national politics, the most sought after -Some say some would pay tens of millions to get hold of one - as in a hung parliament or legislature, having procured one from the other side may well win you the right to form the government of the day. (Read up on the current Perak fiasco)

Within the 'Elected Reps' category, we will generally find a few other sub-categories, namely Opposition Rep in legislatures with small majorities - 'ORSM' ( e.g. Negri Sembilan)


Opposition Reps in legislatures with large majorities - 'ORLM' (e.g. Johore, Sarawak, Sabah)



Government Reps in legislature where BN is in the opposition - 'GRBNO' (e.g. Penang, Kedah, Selangor, Kelantan, Perak)

You don't need a degree and quantum physics to know that GRBNOs are the costliest, as happened in the Silver State recently. They will literally cost you a 'King's Ransom' plus a Camry or two. And lastly there's the Independents - "Ind", who by and large come at fairly economical rates.

On occasions ( pre Sept 16 2008, Bota, every time Anwar threatens to have the numbers), a rarer sub - category of this item will also be put on the market and it is termed the Soon to turn Opposition BN MP or Adun or in short, STOPBNMADs.


Due to the set up of the current Parliament ( no more 2/3 majority, 30 MPs to shift the power of balance), they are "HOT" commodities. Think fortune 500, Think Bluechips! (Well at least before the financial meltdown).

These, when they appear on the shelves will be snapped up by the highest bidder within a flash. Quite often, bidders have to throw in 'agriculture themed Holidays to Taiwan' and other add-ons like ' The disappearing act' and 'high-tea @ Kamunting'. Thus far, we have not seen the STOPBNMADs from morphing into SNAFUs (Stop Najis, F@ck Umnooo) so perhaps the trip to Taiwan worked. Or maybe, the Transfer Window for Parliament hasn't opened yet. That we leave to the players and dealers in this new and highly entertaining trade.

B - Non Elected Personalities (NEP)

These, compared to the ERs come fairly cheap, and are usually procured for added effect (Ezam*, Nalla). However, as cheaply as they maybe, certain NEPs, when procured and utilized at the right and opportune time in the hands of a shrewd political chess player can have election winning effects - i.e the case of Ramlang Porigi in Permatang Pauh last year.

So let us go back to 'Why the coming by-elections will be the 'cleanest ever'

Let me perhaps try to answer this question in the form of the following question - Why would anyone invest tens or hundreds of millions of Ringgit and move phantoms and uniformed personnel to try and win an election where the odds are so highly staked against you, when you can 'procure' the allegiance of the elected rep afterwards? Makes more economical sense to me.

*in Ezam's case, his procurement resulted in the exact opposite of what his new owners desired. A Political 'FUBAR' (F*cked Up Beyond Any Repair) - contributing to the loses in the PP and KT by-elections.

author's note: photo's of politicians and personalities above are posted for the convenience of readers to identify the type of politicians (by virtue of the state of the legislature that they are a member of i.e. small majority, large majority, hung parliament etc) that can be classified under the respective categories. There is no intention implied or otherwise to paint any of them as having put themselves on the market.

AN OPEN LETTER to the Right Honourable Deputy Prime Minister of Malaysia

Dear Sir,

I write to you not as a BN critic, not as and Umno hater, not as a member of any political organisation, not even as a detractor of your kindself and family, but as a citizen born and bred in this beloved federation of ours that we call Malaysia.1st of all, I wish you and your family well and may you be blessed despite all the critism from all parties that you may have received, despite all the perceived misdeed that you have allegedly done.

In light of the recent developments in this country, both economically and politically, I beg you to do what is right, not just for the sake of this country, but for the sake of your future legitimacy and legacy. As you look accross Putrajaya towards the exhalted offices of the Prime Minister's that you shall soon occupy, I beg you to once and for all clear up this mess that we are now in. If anyone can, you are the best person to set this nation back on the right path or righteousness, equality and justice that our forefathers once dreamt of.

As I type along in my state of semi intoxication, let me apologise in advance my choice of words and typo or gramatical errors. In my most sober state of mind, I have never been known to be a person of great skill when I comes to the art of the pen. For forgive me if i sound blunt. But rest assured, my head is clear. I'm sure you of all leader will understand that to be a true leader is to be open to critism and opinion.

Some in your party may call me and my kind 'pendatang'. Others, like you in your youth, may even want to bathe in my blood. I many even lose my freedom after sedning this open letter. But in the spirit of forgiveness and togetherness as one nation, all can be forgiven. Even your alleged misdeeds can be forgiven. Who hasn't be wrong before? We are all not angels for we are mere mortals. I for one have many regrets and misdeeds in my youth and adoloscence that I am not proud of. If only Mr Well's time machine is a reality.

Alas, turn back time we can't. But you Sir, are at the apogee of power and influence, a mere step from the highest office in the land and I beg you to make a date with destiny, to be remember in good light for all eternity. And that you can. Set forth the motions to have the rakyat, once and for all determine the shape of our future.

You may start by calling for nationwide snap elections to let the Rakyat decide on the right and wrong of the current polical quagmire that we are in. Do so, and I shall rest my case and be at peace. At least until the following elections. Have an election commission that is truly bipartisan and independent. A commission made up of equal representation from all registered polical parties in the land and one individual randomly selected from the electoral roll of each state. Abolish the highly dobious postal voting system. Have observers from 20 countries if you want. Do so and let the Rakyat be at peace for once and for all so we may all forge ahead as a nation, truly united.

As is sit here pondering the next sentences, I'm wondering not about the freedom of speech for we can all say what we want. It's my freedom AFTER the speech that worries me. But if I am to be the sacrificial lamb for us to have a true and undisputable democracy, then so be it. Which is why I'm not hiding behind any proxy servers of anonymous email addresses. I'm wiriting to you truthfull and wholeheartedly in my own name. If you have to risk being thrown out of office for the sake of the nation and your legitimacy, then so be it. Let the people decide. Anwar was wrong to promote defections. but so were you, in Perak. But that's only my opinion. So let the people decide. Let if be a refferendum on the recent events and your stake at high office. You may have much to lose but the world to gain. The country has more to lose, if you don't.

Once again, in parting, I wish you and your family well and may you rest well tonight. May God grant you the strenght to do what is right. And prove me wrong!

Yours sincerely